Fan Girls United
by THECheeseTurkey
Summary: The Fan girls of FGU are after someone, and what they what they get or the world faces their horrible pink vengence! Someone must stop them and it is up to Legolas, Cheesy and friends. Concerns evil grandmas, cheese, turkeys, girl scout cookies and more!
1. Concerning FGU prologue

Disclaimer:  Me no own LotR. I do own the place, which initials are: FGU. I can't tell you what that stands for or it will wreck the mystery.

Me: you may recognize some people in this story from my previous stories. By the way, Lem is Lynsay aka: Rogue Mystique.

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Chapter 1! ==

She was sitting in a bright pink, fluffy, sickeningly cute, underground lair staring at a picture of _Him_.

She sighed happily and put the picture away.

She spun around in her swivel chair until she was dizzy.

Suddenly a girl with frizzy red hair and green eyes ran in panting heavily. She was dressed entirely in pink. She even had pink tinted sunglasses.

She turned in her chair and faced the girl.

"Like what is it second in command?" She asked the girl

"ITS THEM AGAIN!" she yelled

Her eyes widened, "Go get the others like ready."

Her second in command nodded and ran off.

She turned in her chair and pressed a button on her bright pink desk.

"PINK ALERT! PINK ALERT! THEY ARE LIKE COMING!!!" She screamed into the intercom

Suddenly there was a great uproar in the pink underground palace. It was the sound of millions of girls screaming loudly.

Then the main door blew off of its hinges and two girls dressed in black entered.

The screaming abruptly stopped and it was silent as the two girls in black walked over to her desk. Their black cloaks flew out behind them.

"So, Its like you two again." She said, "What business do you have here at 'Fan Girls United'?"

-.- "You know perfectly well why we are here, Kileana! Keep your stupid minions away from MY castle!" one of the girls in black shouted, "We had an agreement!"

Kileana smiled evilly, "But Cheesy, you have like something I want."

"I know! What you want is mine!" Cheesy shouted and slammed her hand down on Kileana's desk

A few seconds later Cheesy removed her hand, "OWWWWW! That hurt REALLY bad!!!"

Kileana ignored her, "What do you like plan on doing? You can't stop us. We are many you are few."

Kileana waved her hands in the air.

The other girl raised an eyebrow, "What does (mimics hand movement) mean?"

-.- (sigh) "Just look Lem." Kileana said annoyed

Lem was Cheesy's trusted friend and protector of the castle. Lem and her army of fighting cheese turkeys were unbeatable. 

"What I don't-HOLEY CHEESE! Where did they come from?!" Lem exclaimed as she turned around in a circle looking at the millions of rabid fan girl minions

Leading the rabid fan girls was Kileana's second in command. She smiled smugly and stepped out in front of the other rabid fan girls.

"CASEY!?" Lem and Cheesy said at the same time

"That's me." Casey said

(Loud gasp) "You-you betrayed me!!!" Cheesy yelled, "I knew you were a rabid fan girl, but…YOU JOINED THEM?!!! THEY ARE AGAINST ME!"

Casey continued to smile, "Yes well, Kileana offered me a better job. I get to be second in command."

"Woot for you, stupid." Lem said and spiraled her finger in a circle

Casey wined loudly, "Why does everyone call me stupid!?"

She then stomped her foot and pouted.

"Yeah…whatever. I do not have time for this." Cheesy said and floated up into the air

Lem followed.

All the rabid fan girls looked up in amazement.

0.0? "Like how did you do that?" Kileana asked amazed

"Authoress powers." Cheesy said, "NOW! LISTEN TO ME KILEANA, IF THEY COME WITHIN 5 MILES OF MY CASTLE OR HIM THERE WILL BE TROUBLE!"

With that said Cheesy and Lem floated out of the underground lair.

"Hmm, well Cheesy too bad we won't like listen." Kileana said and laughed evilly

He would belong to her even if it were the last thing she 'like' did. Cheesy had a great prize hidden away in that castle of hers and Kileana would have it.

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Me: so how did you like it? Let me know! I've always wanted to write something about evil hoards of rabid fan girls…don't ask. The next chapter will be funnier.

Turk-out!


	2. Meet the Friends!

Chapter 2! XX!?

Disclaimer: I do not own LotR or any of the characters. I DO own Cheese Turkeys. NO stealing!

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"LEGOLAS!? WE'RE HOME! WHERE ARE YOU DARLING?!!" Cheesy shouted and slammed the door to her castle shut

Her cheese castle was- Wait, I bet you are thinking that the castle is made of cheese aren't you? Well if it was, it would smell _really_ bad! No, no the castle is made of stone. It's painted a cheese color! .

The castle was huge and very cool looking. There was cheese preserved in glass boxes, as well as cheese colored turkeys running around. If you were lucky, you might hear the magic cheese talk or Cheesy might let you hold one of the cheese turkeys.

 On the walls hung pictures of different types of rare cheese. From the floor to the ceiling was covered in cheese colored paint. The rugs, furniture and even the toilet paper was cheese themed.

The castle was located in a place that existed between Earth and Middle Earth. She could move in between worlds whenever she wanted.

"LEGOLAS!? WHERE ARE YOU!?!!!!!" Cheesy, queen of the castle, shouted and ran around looking for him

"I'm in here." Legolas replied, "In the turkey room."

Cheesy, followed by Lem, entered the turkey room.

There they found Legolas sitting on the floor with cheese colored turkeys all over him.

"What are you doing?" Lem asked him

"Well, I was trying to feed the turkeys like SHE (points to Cheesy) told me to and they attacked me!" Legolas informed

He had one turkey sitting on him, two were pecking at his hands and a small cheese colored angel was sitting on his head squawking as loud as it could.

"AW! They like you!" Lem cooed

"Come on Larry, leave Legolas alone." Cheesy said and untangled the baby cheese turkey from Legolas' hair

"Aw, Larry! What did I tell you about this? Legolas is not a nest!' Cheesy gently scolded the cheese turkey as she hugged it

Lem shooed the rest of the cheese turkeys away and helped Legolas get up.

Cheesy set Larry down in his nest and smiled.

"Where were you?" Legolas asked, "Some of _them_ came again. T-"

The smile vanished from Cheesy's face and she frowned.

"I JUST TALKED WITH HER AND SHE IS ALREADY SENDING RABID FAN GIRLS TO-

"SHUT UP! (Sigh) Not rabid fan girls! Girl scouts!" Legolas said

"Huh?" Cheesy replied confused

She gets confused easily…

(Annoyed sigh) "Girl Scouts came to the door asking if I wanted to buy cookies." Legolas informed

"OH! I get it! Hmm, I didn't know Middle Earth had girl scouts." Lem said

"Did you get any cookies?" Cheesy asked

"Weeeeeell I know that you told me not to buy anything from salespeople, epically the vacuum cleaner ones, (shudder) but I love those cookies." Legolas said and smiled cutely, (pouts) "Are you mad at me?"

This annoying cuteness usually worked on Cheesy and she usually forgot what she was talking about and started drooling…Sad, I know.

"Hehehe…(smile) No, I can't be mad at you, you are way to cute and I- (slaps self) NOOOOO! Me no evil fan girl. I-

"You are _so_ a fan girl." Lem interrupted

(Sigh) "Yeah, I guess so. But! I am **not** a 'rabid' fan girl!" Cheesy insisted

"Fair enough. Are you mad?" Legolas asked

"Depends on what kind of cookies you got." Cheesy said

"Those mint ones." Legolas said

(Gasp) "I love those." Cheesy said quietly her eyes were huge

"I know." Legolas said and patted her head

"Where are they?" Cheesy asked her voice was a mere whisper

"In the kitchen." Legolas replied

As soon as Legolas said the word kitchen, Cheesy ran off at a super speed.

Lem laughed and shook her head, "Hey where is N -

"HIYA!" Nienna shouted

She was hanging upside down over the side of the steps.

Nienna was another one of Cheesy's friends that lived at the castle with her.

On contrary to popular belief, Nienna is not Nienna Lady of Mourning of the Valar. This Nienna was a crazy teen girl. Just like Cheesy.

"Hi. I was just wondering where you were." Lem said, "What are you doing over there?"

"I _was_ helping Legolas feed the cheese turkeys but then they went crazy. They do that a lot…But anyway, they went crazy so I left and got a soda." Nienna informed

"Oh so you left them to eat me!?" Legolas exclaimed

"Um…yeah?" Nienna said

-.- "How nice of you." Legolas replied

Lem patted one of the cheese turkeys, "They won't eat you Legolas. You should know that by now. How long have you been here, 8,9 months?"

-.- "2 years and hating every moment of it." Legolas replied

"Well, would you rather be with us or those rabid fan girls? 'Cause I'm sure if you told Cheesy that she would-

"On second thought. I LOVE it here!" Legolas said and smiled

As soon as Lem wasn't looking Legolas stopped smiling and made at face at her.

"Let's get out of the turkey room. I think they are getting cranky." Nienna said and quickly walked out

The cheese turkeys were starting to scratch at the ground and hiss.

"If you think that's bad, try having to put up with the fighting turkeys, there are as big as a horse and they know it too!" Lem informed as the 3 of them walked out of the turkey room

Being head of castle protection, she would know.

They walked into the cheese colored living room and sat down on the cheese shaped couch.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Nienna asked

"Sure." Legolas and Lem said at the same time

"Okay, I'll put something in." Nienna said and scooted over to the enormous cheese colored TV

She rooted through the box of movies and randomly pulled out and put it into the DVD player.

Then she sat back down on the couch next to Legolas.

A few seconds later Cheesy came back holding a box of girl scout cookies. She had chocolate smeared all around her face and was munching loudly on a cookie.

"What are you doing?" she asked after she finished the cookie

"We are about to watch a move, but something seems to be wrong with the DVD player." Lem said

-.? "Maybe because you forgot to turn it on?" Cheesy said and pressed the play button

She then ran over to the couch and sat on Legolas.

He frowned and tried to push her off but it didn't work.

"So what are movie are we watching?" Cheesy asked

"I don't know. I randomly pulled one from the box." Nienna said

The movie started to the teletubbie theme song!

The four of them screamed and covered their ears.

Lem bravely inched toward the TV in a daring attempt to turn it off.

Just as she reached the TV, the music suddenly stopped and the screen went black.

They stared at the screen in wonder.

"Um, what happened?" Nienna asked

"No clue." Cheesy said, "I didn't know the-

Suddenly the picture returned. It showed a bright pink room with a girl sitting at a desk laughing evilly.

"Kileana!" Cheesy hissed, "How…WHERE DID THIS VIDEO COME FROM?!!!!"

"I bet you are wondering like where this DVD came from aren't you Cheesy? Well, there is only one way that this DVD could have gotten into your like castle. Someone like put it there…Stop looking at me like that! Yes, some of my minions have been inside your castle." Kileana informed over the recording

Cheesy frowned and screamed loudly.

"Yes…I bet you are wondering like why we didn't take your most prized possession when we had the like chance. Well, we couldn't find him and you were like on your way home!" Kileana hissed

"What is she talking about?" Legolas asked completely clueless

Cheesy rolled her eyes, "You, duh!"

Legolas was about to say something but Kileana started talking again.

"So Cheesy, where do you like keep him? I don't image that you are going to come down here and like tell me. So, we are just going to come and look for him." Kileana informed

Lem sighed, "How stupid are they!? Legolas is always around somewhere. How could they not find him?"

"WE ARE LIKE COMING! MUWAHAHAH…(Cough, cough)…GET READY CHEESY!!!!!"

Kileana sighed, "You know the deal, expect an attack soon."

With that said the screen went blank and the Teletubbie movie started again.

Lem turned it off at sat back down on the couch.

Cheesy stared at the TV with her mouth hanging open.

Legolas took this opportunity to push her off.

Cheesy didn't even notice. Then she screamed loudly again and broke the DVD in half.

"STUPID RABID FAN GIRLS!" Cheesy yelled and stomped on the pieces of the shattered DVD

"Um Cheesy? You do know that they are not here now." Nienna said

"I KNOW! IT'S THE FACT THAT THEY WERE IN THE CASTLE AND THEY COULD HAVE TAKEN LEGOLAS!!!!" Cheesy screamed

"Oh no. The fan girls, save me." Legolas said sarcastically

-.- "You're lucky that I can protect you from them." Cheesy replied, "THEY ARE EVIL AND RABID! You have no idea what they would do to you."

"They can't be worse than you." Legolas said

-.- "You would be surprised." Cheesy said

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	3. Jackie and Aragorn

Chapter 3 

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I do own the cheese weaponry thought and everything mentioned that had to do with cheese. Well, duh I don't own cheese itself but…YOU GET IT!

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Cheesy stalked down the hall, Cheese Ball Gun in hand. It was like a paint ball gun only it was cheese colored and shot (you guessed it) cheese.

Ever since she got that message from Fan Girls United, she was bent on making sure that no fan girls got in.

The doorbell rang and sent Cheesy into full alert.

Who knows? I could have been a fan girl, or a teletubbie or worse! It could have been a vacuum cleaner salesman or Cheesy's parents!

For some reason Cheesy's parents didn't approve of her living in a castle with so much cheese, turkeys, other weird, insane teenaged girls and they didn't like Legolas being there.

Anyone who disapproved of Legolas being anywhere was EVIL and WRONG in Cheesy's book.

As she approached the door she began to get more worried. What is it _was_ her parents?! They dropped by every so often to inspect the place.

The castle was currently a mess too! Cheese was everywhere, the turkeys had gotten out of their pens, Nienna and Lem were acting weirder than normal and Legolas was…somewhere. Eating Girl Scout cookies.

Cheesy pointed the gun at the door and flung it open.

"WHO THE CHEESE IS IT?!" She yelled

"AH!! DON'T SHOOT ME!!" the girl standing there screamed

Cheesy instantly lowered the gun, "JACKIE!"

Jackie smiled and waved.

"Hello partner in crime!" Cheesy and Jackie said at the same time, "What's up?"

Then they laughed insanely. That was there secrete greeting…don't ask, its complicated.

"Well, nothing much here." Cheesy said, "Thing are going as they normally would."

Jackie snorted, " Nothing is ever normal with you. I brought Aragorn with me. He was getting bored over at Cast-tell parrot."

Jackie's castle thing was parrot themed. Don't ask why, it just is.

"Cool, where is he?" Cheesy asked her best friend

"Oh he's around somewhere. Probably inspecting the evil fan girl eating cheese plants. How's Legolas?" Jackie asked

"Probably spazzing out…Chocolate effects. I swear he need to get out more but for some reason, he refuses to go shopping with me." Cheesy said

"Gee I wonder why?" Jackie asked sarcastically

"Well, come in. I was just scouting the hall ways." Cheesy informed as Jackie entered the cheese palace

"You are still dwelling on that? How long has it been now? Two, three weeks now?" Jackie asked

"You can never be to careful." Cheesy said, "I don't want the rabid fan girls to get him."

"ARAGORN!!!" Jackie screamed

He appeared at the door a few seconds later.

"Stop being antisocial and come in here." Jackie commanded

"What? I was just looking at the evil fan girl eating cheese plant. Its cool." Aragorn said

"See? I told ya." Jackie said

"Want one? When ya leave you can take one of them." Cheesy informed

Jackie nodded, " Thanks. Where is everyone? I-

As if on cue Legolas rushed into the main cheese colored living room.

He smiled widely, "HI ARAGORN!"

"Oh no…" Aragorn mumbled

He knew he was in for a rambling talk from the elf. Aragorn hated this part.

"So has Jackie been evil to you? Cheesy is SO mean to me. I hate her. Do you hate Jackie? Does she annoy you? I'm SO bored! I don't want to go shopping with Cheesy though; I'm not THAT bored. I'm glad you're here; I need someone to talk with that won't go all Spazzy on me. Hey, wanna Girl Scout cookie? I bought 500 boxes. I got them a special sale price! I though Cheesy was going to be mad at me when she found out how many boxes I bought, but she wasn't! I was glad 'Cause it's bad to anger her." Legolas rambled

Aragorn just stood there. He got confused after 'Hi Aragon!'

"Um…Hi Legolas." Aragorn said

Legolas blinked, "HIIIIII! LET'S GO EAT GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!"

With that said Legolas grabbed Aragorn's arm and pulled him away to the kitchen.

0.o? "What did you do to him?" Jackie asked

"He had WAY too many chocolate Girl Scout cookies." Cheesy replied, "Really, this morning he ate 6 entire boxes and it only takes 4 of those things to get hyper.

"Ohhhh. C-

Jackie was suddenly cut off when something hit the sliding glass doors and slid down them.

"What was that?!" Jackie asked

"I don't know…(GASP) Maybe it's the fan girls!!!" Cheesy yelled and sprinted to the back porch. That's where the doors were along with the cheese colored swimming pool.

When the two got there they gasped loudly. It was Elrond! He was lying on the porch unconscious.

"Whoa! What happened to him?!" Jackie asked as she ran outside follow by Cheesy

"Well, we can ask him when he wakes up." Cheesy said, "Lets get him inside."

The two of them managed to drag Elrond in. They put him on the couch and stared at him.

"He is Elrond, right?" Cheesy asked, "What if he is a fan girl in disguise?"

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Yes Cheesy I'm sure he is a fan girl in disguise."

Then Nienna appeared.

"HI! What up?!" she asked, (gasp) Is that Elrond!?"

"Yep. He was launched at the castle." Jackie informed

Nienna blinked, "Ooookay. I'm going to go get a soda."

She walked off quickly to the kitchen.

"HI NIENNA!" Legolas said and waved

He and Aragorn were eating mass amounts of Girl Scout cookie.

"HI LEGOLAS!" Nienna replied and opened the cheese colored refrigerator

Aragorn jumped out of the enormous pile of cookie boxes.

"BOO!" he shouted

"AHHHHHHH!" Nienna shrieked and tossed she soda in the air, "Don't do that!"

Aragorn just laughed insanely as Legolas shoved 5 cookies into his mouth.

o.0? "What's wrong with you too?" Nienna asked

"Nothing!" they replied at the same time

-.? "Right. Hey did you know that Elrond is in the living room?" Nienna asked and picked up her soda

"HUH?! Why is Elrond in the living room?" Aragorn asked

(Gasp) "Was he beamed here by aliens?!" Legolas asked

((0.o?)) "No. What _is_ wrong with you?" Nienna replied

"I wanna see Elrond!" Legolas and Aragorn said at the same time

"Well, that's nice…Come with me." Nienna said and lead them to the living room

"Are we playing follow the leader?" Legolas asked and smiled

0.0? "No…Wha- we are NOT playing follow the leader. How many cookies did you eat?" Nienna asked

"Oh, only 20 boxes." Legolas replied

O.O "Wow, you are going to be sick later." Nienna informed, "You are only suppose to eat like, 4 of them. That's a serving."

"Really? I didn't know that." Legolas said and looked at the box he was eating

After a few moments he shrugged and stared eating them again.

"Legolas?"

"What Nienna?"

"I'm going to take those cookies now. Okay?"

0.0! "NOOOOO! MINE!" Legolas said and ran off with the cookies

Nienna rolled her eyes, "Come on Aragorn. Elrond's right over there."

"Hi! Did Elrond wake up yet?" Nienna asked

"Yes, Elrond did wake up." Elrond said, "Who are you people?!"

"I'm Cheesy, this is Jackie, Nienna and you know Aragorn." Cheesy introduced

"Why am I here?" Elrond asked and looked around at all the cheese colored stuff

"That's what we'd like to know." Cheesy said

"The last I remembered, I was in a pink place. It was so…PINK! It was evil!!!!!! EVILL I TELL YOU! Nothing could be that pink and be good!" Elrond screamed

"Fan Girl's United." Jackie hissed, "Did they say why the launched you at Cheesy's castle?"

"They wanted me to give her this." Elrond said held up a note

Cheesy snatched it and read it aloud.

"We are coming and we will get him and steal him away from you. He will be ours and we will keep him locked away forever and ever and ever! We will- GRRRRRRR!"

The message was so pointless and stupid that Cheesy ripped it up and threw the pieces in the air.

"Who are they talking about?" Legolas asked appearing suddenly with his box of cookies.

Cheesy slapped a hand to her face, "YOU! The rabid fan girls are after YOU!"

Legolas seemed to think about it for a moment.

"Ohhhh." He said slowly

-.? "Those cookies really messed you up." Jackie said and took the box from him

(Gasp) "Give those back! NOW!" Legolas demanded

"No." Jackie said

Legolas hissed and tackled Jackie. They wrestled each other as the cookies flew everywhere.

Lem, who had just entered, raised an eyebrow at the scene.

"Hello…Why is Elrond here?" Lem asked as a cookie flew by her head

"The rabid fan girls sent him to give us a totally stupid and pointless message." Cheesy said

"Right. Are you sure it was from them?" Lem asked

"Who else would want to steal Legolas besides the fan girls!?" Cheesy exclaimed

"True. I guess that-OW! Watch it!" Lem hissed as a cookie hit her nose

"GIVE ME THE COOKIE BOX!" Jackie screamed and tried to grab it from Legolas, "YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH TO LAST YOU A LIFE TIME!"

"But I'm immo-

"Don't say it! Never mind. Just give me the cookies!" Jackie said and attacked Legolas

"Why do the 'rabid fan girls', as you call them, want with Legolas?" Elrond asked

Cheesy sighed, "Why do you think? What I want to know is why they launched you at the castle. Why not just send the message in the mail?"

"They probably wanted to be dramatic. They always are." Nienna said

"Probably, they just don't get the-OW! STOP THROWING COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!" Lem shouted

She walked over to Legolas, took the cookie box and beat him over the head with it.

"STOP (whack) THROWING (whack) COOKIES (whack) AT (whack) ME!" (Whack, whack)

Legolas just laughed.

Jackie took the box from Lem and sat down next to Elrond. She waved the cookies at Legolas and then ate the rest of them.

"NOOOOOO! My cookies! (Pouts) Cheesy?"

"What Legolas?" Cheesy replied

"Will you go get another box of cookies?" Legolas asked and smiled cutely

"Awwww…Okay. I love you." Cheesy said and ran off to the kitchen

Elrond, Aragorn, Jackie, Nienna and Lem stared at Cheesy as she ran off.

"What on Middle Earth?!" Elrond asked and turned to look at Legolas who was smiling evilly

"That is _so_ sad." Jackie said and shook her head

Lem and Nienna just shrugged. They were just to it.

"How did you make her do that!?" Aragorn asked hoping it would work with Jackie asked

"Easy." Legolas said

"Will ya tell me how?" Aragorn asked

"Hmmm…No." Legolas replied

"I got the cookies!" Cheesy said and sat down on the couch next to Legolas

"Thanks." Legolas and was about to take the box but Cheesy pulled it away

"Do you want me to feed them too you?" Cheesy asked with a smile

Legolas blinked, "Sure."

Aragorn stared in awe.

"Wow." He said quietly

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Oh come on! That is so pathetic!"

Lem and Nienna snickered quietly.

"Aragorn, don't even think about it." Jackie said reading his mind, "I will never, ever do that for you. So sorry, but that is just sickening!"

"If Legolas eats anymore cookie I think he will explode." Nienna said to Lem

Lem laughed, "Yeah really, that's like his 20th box today."

0.0! "Why is she doing that?" Elrond asked, "She will just spoil him so bad that he will ask her to do everything for him."

"That's the point Elly." Lem said

"Do NOT call me that!" Elrond said

"Hey! What's that noise?" Jackie asked

"The squawking noise? That's just the turkeys. They do that when someone…unwanted is at the door." Lem said, "CHEESY SOMEONE EVIL IS COMING!"

"I'm busy right now." Cheesy said and gave Legolas another cookie

Lem slapped a hand to her face, "Cheesy, this is not the petting zoo. DO NOT feed the elves!"

"Hey Cheesy, if you don't take care of the evil at the door, it will probably take Legolas AND burn all the girl scout cookie." Jackie said

Cheesy gasped and dropped the cookie that she was about to feed Legolas.

"NOTHING IS TAKING MY ELF!" Cheesy roared and grabbed her Cheese Ball Gun from the cheese shaped coffee table

She stalked off to the door with everyone else in tow.


	4. The Evil Grandma

Disclaimer: Huh? Oh yeah, I don't own LOTR.

Chapter 4 -.0?

Cheesy stopped at the door and readied her gun. She took a deep breath and flung open the door.

With a loud war cry, she leaped out and blasted cheese at the intruder.

"RACHEL!!!!" A voice yelled

Cheesy gasped, the only person who dared to call her by her right name was her Grandma!

"GRANDMA?! What are you doing here? You didn't call me first!" Cheesy said

"Well, are you going to invite me in or leave me out here all cheese covered?" Her Grandma asked

"Okay, yeah, come in." Cheesy said

This was the first time that her Grandma came to visit her.

"I'm going to stay with you for a while." Her grandma informed

She looked around the castle and frowned.

"Its too cheese colored! Too much cheese! Too many Turkeys." She complained

Then she spotted Cheesy's friends.

"Who are those people!?" She demanded

"Grandma! Those are my friends." Cheesy replied as the old woman walked over to the group that was currently standing next to each other in a line

First was Aragorn.

"What is your name?" she asked

"Aragorn. The last time I checked." Aragorn said and smiled

Cheesy's grandma didn't find humor in that statement.

"You are strange and you have odd hair." She informed

Cheesy sighed. 'Stupid Grandma' she thought

Next in line was Jackie.

"I'm Jackie and you granddaughters best friend. I don't live here I'm just visiting with Aragorn  How are you?" Jackie informed politely

Cheesy's grandma frowned, "Children should not speak except for when they are spoken to! You are very rude!"

Jackie crossed her arms and snorted.

She then came to Lem.

"Who are you?" She asked

"Lem." Lem said, "Head of castle security."

"Oh how interesting." Cheesy's grandma said in a bored tone and move on

Next she came to Legolas.

"And you would be?" she asked

"Legolas."

"Yes…and?" The grandma of doom asked

"And…I…like Girl Scout cookies?" Legolas tried

Oops! Wrong answer!

"Cookies are bad and evil! Eating them will make you fat and then you will die!" she informed

"Actually, I can't die." Legolas said, "I'm immortal."

Cheesy's grandma moved away from him quickly.

"It a demon Rachel! The dark forces made it live forever! Get it out of the house before it eats you!" She said and swung her purse at Legolas

"Grandma stop! Legolas is not evil! He's good!" Cheesy yelled and grabbed her grandma's purse

"Does _that_ live with you!?" she asked and pointed to Legolas

"Yes." Cheesy said greatly annoyed

Her frown deepened, "You shouldn't live with strange men that live forever!"

Cheesy rolled her eyes, "Yes Grandma."

Evil Granny crossed her fingers and made an 'X'. Then she hissed and backed away from Legolas.

Legolas just raised an eyebrow. _'Crazy old woman.' _ He thought

"Who are you person?" she asked Nienna

"I'm Nienna. Who are you? Are you a fish?" Nienna asked

-.- "How RUDE! No, I am certainly not at fish!" she replied and moved on to the last person in the line

Elrond.

Granny blinked, "Who are you?"

"I. Am Lord Elrond My Lady." He said and kissed her hand

Her grandma smiled, "Finally! Someone in this place that acts proper!"

"Ugh, don't make me puke." Legolas said, "Seriously, I don't feel that good."

"I told you not to eat to many cookies." Nienna whispered to Legolas, "But would you listen? Nooo."

(Sigh) "Grandma? If you are quite finished staring at Elrond, we can take your stuff to one of the guest rooms." Cheesy said and picked up one of her Grandma's bags

It was getting late, the sun was setting. Cheesy's castle had a great view of the sun set but I'm getting off topic. !

"I'm going to go sit down." Legolas said looking slightly green

"What's wrong with it?" Cheesy's Grandma asked and pointed to Legolas

"He ate too many cookies." Cheesy said

"SEE! I TOLD YOU! Cookies are bad and evil! They make you sick!" She replied

Jackie couldn't help it. She burst out laughing.

"Now! Help me with my bags. I'm very tired after my trip and I want to go to bed without any interruptions!" She informed

Cheesy wanted to ask how she got there but didn't bother because her grandma would have just went on about how RUDE it is to ask questions.

Cheesy sighed, closed the door to her Grandma's room and walked down stairs to the living room.

"Okay guys, we have to be _really_ quiet. My Grandma is _reall_y grumpy today and she needs her rest." Cheesy said

"Quiet? What's that?" Nienna asked

"You mean no 3am screaming?" Jackie said

"No." Cheesy replied, "Especially no 3am screaming!"

"This is going to be hard." Lem said

"I could use some peace and quiet." Elrond said and smiled

"Ew…You like quite?" Jackie asked and scrunched up her nose

Elrond blinked, "Yes."

"Well, this is going to be a boring night." Aragorn said

"Yep. What can we do that is not noisy?" Lem asked and grabbed the box of Girl Scout cookies that was lying on the floor with cookies spilling out

"There are still cookies in that box?" Jackie asked, "I thought I ate the rest of them."

"I did get any cookies." Elrond wined and crossed his arms like a two year old, "Legolas bought 5,000 boxes and I still haven't eaten one!"

"Where is Legolas anyway?" Nienna asked

"No clue." Cheesy said, "LEGOLAS!?!!!!!"

"Oh good job." Jackie said sarcastically, "You succeeded in hurting my ears and you probably woke up your grandma."

Cheesy ignored her, Hmm, wonder where he is?"

"If he's eating more cookies, then he really_ is _stupid." Jackie said and grabbed the cookie box from Lem

"I WANT A COOKIE!" Elrond yelled

"Shhhh!" Everyone hissed quietly

"Take the stupid cookies then." Jackie said and threw the box at his head

Elrond smiled and reached in the box for a cookie, "Hey! Its empty."

Jackie snickered evilly.

"I'm bored." Nienna said, "Quiet is boring. I wanna watch a movie."

"We can't that's too loud." Lem said

"I'm going to get more cookies." Elrond said and got up, "Um, which way is the kitchen?"

"Down the right hall, turn left then right, and it's the second door on the left." Cheesy said

Elrond took off at a mad dash.

(Sigh) "I'm going to go check on the cheese turkeys." Lem said

"Can I come?" Aragorn asked

"Sure." Lem said as she walked off

Aragorn scrambled after her.

()()()

"Now where are those cookies?" Elrond asked as he entered the kitchen, "I don't see any-HOLEY CHEESE!"

It was then that Elrond saw the enormous pile of cookies in one corner. He smiled and ran over to the pile.

"Cookies! Yay! I love them!" Elrond said and dived into the pile

He grabbed four boxes and jumped out. Then he noticed Legolas sitting at the small table. He was sleeping with a box of cookies in his hand.

Elrond walked over and poked him, "Legolas?"

When there was no response Elrond freaked out and shouted loudly for Cheesy.

Cheesy stalked down the hallway, "What? I told you to be qu-

"Look." Elrond said and pointed at Legolas

Cheesy raised an eyebrow, "Yes? And?"

"He's dead!" Elrond said and poked Legolas repeatedly

-.- (sigh) "Some mystical healer you are. He is not dead." Cheesy replied

"Then what is wrong with him?" Elrond asked

"Sugar coma." Cheesy said

-.? "Huh?" Elrond said

"S-u-g-a-r space c-o-m-a." Cheesy said spelling it out plainly for Elrond

"But-

"Never mind. Just help he get him back to the living room." Cheesy said

()()()()

Lem and Aragorn entered the cheese turkey room.

"Well, I suppose we should feed them." Lem said and opened the closet

"What do they eat?" Aragorn asked

Lem snickered, "Um Cheese?"

"Ohhhh. I get it, because they are called cheese turkeys so they would…eat cheese…yeah." Aragorn said felling suddenly stupid

Lem nodded, "Yep. It's a special cheese mixture. It helps their feathers keep that shiny cheese color and its good for them."

She took the bag of cheese colored pellets out of the closet and opened it.

"See the cheese?" Lem asked and tossed it at Aragorn

He caught it and examined it, "Hmm, it smells weird. What does it taste like?"

0.o? "I don't know. I've never eaten one!" Lem said and tossed some food at a cheese turkey that what pecking at her shoe

Aragorn shrugged and ate it.

0.0?! "Wha…why on Middle Earth did you do that?!" Lem asked

"Hmmm, it tastes good!" Aragorn said and ate another

o.0? "Dude. Don't do that." Lem said and continued to feed the cheese turkeys, "You might turn orange!"

Aragorn didn't care though; he was munching away at the turkey food.

Lem shuddered and picked one of the turkeys, "Tell Aragorn not to do that Cheddar."

"Gobble! Gobble, Gobble!" Cheddar said and pecked Aragorn's nose

"See? Even Cheddar says that you shouldn't eat that." Lem said

Aragorn ignored Lem and Cheddar and continued to eat the cheese turkey food.

()()()()()

Jackie and Nienna were having a staring contest when Cheesy and Elrond entered the living room dragging Legolas behind them.

"Whoa! What happened to him?" Jackie asked blinking and loosing the staring contest

"Sugar coma." Cheesy said and dragged Legolas over to the couch

She and Elrond lifted him up and set him on it.

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Your grandma was right. Too many cookies _are_ bad."

"How many did he eat?" Nienna asked, "Last time I knew, he had eaten about 23 boxes. So that's like what?"

Nienna grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper and started writing down numbers.

"12 cookies in a box…" she mused, "Eh, 23 boxes so that would be…Oh my god, 276 cookies!"

0.0!?! "Is that even possible?!" Jackie exclaimed

"Apparently so." Cheesy replied, "I have _never_…that must be a new world record."

"Is it okay to eat that many cookies?" Nienna asked, "I thought you could explode from eating that many cookies!"

Then Legolas woke up. He raised and eyebrow and sat up.

"Why is everyone staring at me?" he asked

"You ate 276 cookies. _That_ is a reason to stare." Jackie said

0.0!? "I did? I ate that many?" Legolas asked

All of us nodded.

"Oh, that's why I don't feel good." Legolas said

"Most likely." Jackie said and grabbed one on the boxes of cookies from Elrond

"Ugh. No more cookies." Legolas said, "Don't eat them."

Jackie smiled evilly and gobbled the cookies savagely.

Yes, Jackie _is_ evil.

"COOKIES!" She screamed

"Jackie! Shut up!" Cheesy hissed and pointed to the stairs, "She is trying to sleep!"

Jackie shrugged and continued to eat the cookies, "Aren't they good Legolas? Don't you just want to eat them? Don't you want to eat boxes and boxes of yummy, sticky, chocolaty, gooey, mint cookies?"

With that said she made a big show of breaking a cookie in half and licking out the mint filling out of it. The cookie started to melt in her hand and the chocolate oozed all over her fingers.

"Mmmmmmm. It's sooooooooooo good!" Jackie said, shoved it in her mouth and licked the chocolate off her fingers

Legolas turned a very unbecoming green color and ran off to the nearest bathroom.

"Jackie! That was evil!" Cheesy scolded as she whacked Jackie over the head

Jackie was laughing loudly and evilly.

"Shhhhhhhh!!!" Nienna hissed, "I heard a noise upstairs!"

"Great Jackie. You woke her up." Cheesy said annoyed

"Its not my fault that-

"Um, guys? I think we have a problem here." Lem said appearing in the door way followed by Aragorn

All of them gasped. Aragorn was bright orange!

"What happened?!" Nienna asked

"He _ate _the turkey food!" Lem said

"Why?!"        Cheesy asked amazed

"He said it tasted good!" Lem replied

Jackie started laughing hysterically again.

"He's…He's orange!" She exclaimed

Suddenly there was pounding on the floor.

**"KEEP IT DOWN! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!"** Cheesy's Grandma yelled from upstairs

-.-! "See! I told you! Now we woke her up!" Cheesy yelled, "Lets just go to bed ourselves! Its like 12 anyway!"

With that said Cheesy stormed away to her room and slammed the door shut.

"Wow. She's mad." Jackie stated and stopped laughing

"Yeah…should we go apologize?" Lem asked

They thought it over for a while…

"NO!" they decided

"What now?" Nienna asked

(shrugs) "Lets go to bed." Lem said

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()


	5. The Trouble Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own anything LotR but I do own everything else.

Chapter 5 0-?

It was quiet at the Cheese castle. A lot quieter than it should have been at 3am.

Unlike the usual happening at 3am, everyone was sleeping.

It was then, that it started.

Cheesy was sleeping in her enormous cheese shaped bed when she heard a loud scream.

Cheesy sat up and listened. She hissed loudly.

Weren't they told not to yell at 3am!?

Cheesy got up to investigate…

()()()()

Either by chance or Cheesy's evil doings, her grandma's room was located right above Legolas'.

This was all well and fine until 3am.

Legolas, like Cheesy, was sleeping. He was dreaming about all the ways to get back at the evil Jackie when he heard a loud noise.

He sat up quickly and looked around. He thought it might have been the fan girls.

"Okay…wherever you are, just come out." Legolas said

When there was no response Legolas shrugged and laid back down. He must have been hearing thing.

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!"_

Legolas gasped loudly and sat up again. He knew that he had heard something that time!

"What on Middle Earth?" Legolas said and looked around his room, "This better not be one of Cheesy stupid jokes."

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! (Cats meow loudly)

Legolas looked up at the ceiling.

"Wha…"

_"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **(Cats meow loudly) CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
  
**_

Legolas raised an eyebrow, "Okay…Oh, it must be her Grandma's TV…(sigh) That family has sleeping issues. Why are they always awake at 3am?!"

()()()()

Legolas was lying on his back staring up at the ceiling frowning.

The TV droned on and on and on and on and on and on!

She was watching a polka program. It was explaining the dance moves.

Then _the_ commercial came on _again_.

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

Legolas sighed.

"But I don't own a cat." He said to the ceiling, "At least its over! Now maybe I can-

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" ******CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

"I don't own a cat!!!" Legolas yelled

Then it came on again…

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

"I DO NOT OWN A CAT!!!" Legolas screamed

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

"I STILL DO NOT OWN A FREAKIN CAT!!!! I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE FREAKIN CAT FOOD! I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP! SHUT THE CHEESE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas yelled and threw his lamp at the ceiling

It shattered into a million pieces and rained down on him. This only made Legolas madder.

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!"**CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" **Legolas yelled greatly annoyed, "I DO NOT CARE!!!! IS THAT THE ONLY COMMERCIAL THAT THEY HAVE ON THAT STATION?! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT AND I DON'T OWN A CAT! I DESPISE CATS! CATS ARE THE DEVIL!"

Then the TV abruptly turned off.

Legolas sighed, "Its about time. If I EVER here that cat food commercial again, I swear-

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

-.-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (HISS) "NO! NO! NO! I SAID NO! TURN IT OFF YOU STUPID OLD BAG!"

Silence…

(Sigh) "FINALLY…No. Just wait a minuet, I bet in like 2 seconds the freakin' thing will come back on and annoy me AGAIN!

(5 seconds later)

"Why didn't it come back on yet!?" Legolas exclaimed, "It was suppose to I…Maybe it is over."

Legolas relaxed and closed his eyes, "Good. I really hate that commercial. It's pure evil."

Legolas was almost asleep when…

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

**"THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" **

Legolas grabbed his pillow and blanket and stormed out of his room slamming the door as loud as he could on the way out.

()()()()()()

Cheesy was just about to open her door when it flew open, hit the wall and slammed closed again.

Cheesy raised an eyebrow and opened the door.

There in the hallway stood a VERY angry looking Legolas.

"What do you want?" Cheesy asked

"I want your grandma to fall off a cliff." Legolas replied

-.? "Okay…but if you kill my Grandma-

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **Legolas yelled in a sarcastic tone, "Then the freakin' cats meow loudly!"

((o.0?)) "Wha…"

"ITS AN INFOMERCIAL FOR CAT FOOD THAT PLAYS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! IT'S MAKING ME CRAZY!" Legolas screamed

"Oh, was my grandma watching TV?" Cheesy asked in a bored tone

"YES!" Legolas yelled and pushed past Cheesy

"What are you doing?" Cheesy asked

"Sleeping in here!" Legolas said and laid down in Cheesy's bed

(Huge grin) "Okay that's perfectly fine with me." Cheesy said with a huge smile on her face

-.- "No 'fan girl'. You can sleep on the little couch thing over there." Legolas said and pointed to it

-.- "This is MY ROOM! YOU GO SLEEP ON THE LITTLE COUCH THING!!!!!" Cheesy yelled and beat Legolas over the head with a pillow

Legolas sat up and grabbed the pillow.

"I. Am NOT. In the mood. Leave me ALONE!" Legolas said slowly

-.- "Get out of my room." Cheesy said and pointed to the door

-.-! "Make me." Legolas replied

"Okay, fine I will." Cheesy said and walked over to her TV

She turned it on and flipped through the Channel until she found the one that she was looking for.

Cheesy smiled evilly and turned the TV all the way up.

"This is for you Legolas." She said and blew him a kiss

"What are you-

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mouth!" (Cats meow loudly)

"ALL THIS LOVELY CAT FOOD CAN BE YOURS FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 19.95!!! ONLY 19.95 FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU GET A FREE CAT BRUSH!" (Cats meow loudly)

"That's right! If you buy advanced cat food RIGHT NOW you get this free sporty cat brush! FREE! FREE! FREE! CAN IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!?!!!" (Cats meow loudly)

"BUY BUY BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD **RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" **CALL 1-800-555-MEOW!**  
**(Cats meow loudly, end music)

-.-! "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!!!!" Legolas yelled at Cheesy and put a pillow over his head, "TURN IT OFF!"

"NO!" Cheesy said

**"NOW!"** Legolas screamed

"NO! GET OUT!" Cheesy replied

Legolas growled and attacked Cheesy.

Then the door flew open and Cheesy's Grandma stood there looking annoyed.

"I said that I wanted quite! I can't sleep with you yelling and…Rachel! What are you doing!?" she asked

Legolas had Cheesy on the bed and was trying to kill her with a pillow but to someone who didn't know what was going on, it looked like…something else.

"Um…he's trying to kill me." Cheesy said knowing how stupid that sounded

Her Grandma didn't look convinced. She walked over to the bed, smacked Legolas and snorted.

"She's only 13 you know!" she said

Cheesy's mouth fell open.

"No! No no no no no no no NO!" Cheesy said over and over

She got off the bed and continued to scream 'NO!"

Suddenly there was loud crazy laughter coming from the hallway. It was Jackie.

All the yelling must have woken her up.

She was crying with laughter and could barely speak.

"Cheesy! I didn't…know…you and Legolas…-

She was silenced when Cheesy marched over and slammed the door shut.

"NO!" she told her grandma

"What are you talking about Rachel? What is going on it this castle!? I'm going to call your parents first thing in the morning and tell them about this!" Evil Granny informed

0.0!!!!! "NOOOOOO! DON'T DO THAT! PLEASE NO!" Cheesy begged

"They have a right to know what's going on with their daughter!" she replied

Cheesy wined and banged her head on the wall repeatedly.

"Now stop acting silly Rachel!" Her grandma said

Cheesy stopped.

"Okay. I'm going to tell you what was going on. Then you will see that this is not our fault and that the blame should really be placed on YOU!" Legolas said

Cheesy Grandma narrowed her eyes, "Fine. Talk."

"Well, I was trying to get to sleep in MY room. Everything was okay until YOU turned on your TV. It was so loud that I couldn't get to sleep. Even that wouldn't have bothered me that much except for that fact that what you were watching repeated OVER AND OVER AND OVER. It annoyed me so I came to you granddaughter's room so I could finally get some rest. She was annoyed and turned her TV to the same channel that you were watching. It made me even angrier so I tried to kill her with this pillow." Legolas explained although that didn't help matters very much

"YOU TRIED TO KILL HER!!?!!" Granny exclaimed

"Not really! I wasn't really going to kill her I-

Cheesy's grandma screamed, "KILLER! YOU ARE A KILLER! KILLER KILLER KILLER!"

She waved her arms in the air and ran out of Cheesy's room, "I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE! THERE IS A KILLER IN MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S HOME!!!!!!"

Cheesy and Legolas whacked their heads against the wall.

"Cheesy?"

"What Legolas?"

"No offence but you grandma is an idiot."

"I know and now the cops are coming."

"And this is all because of a cat food commercial." Legolas said

"Wow. That is so lame!" Cheesy said, "A stupid cat food commercial and now the cops are coming! What are we going to do? (Gasp) What if they arrest you for 'trying to kill me'!!!!"

(Sigh) "We can just tell them that this was just a miss understanding." Legolas said

Cheesy frowned, "Wait. How did she hear us yelling? I mean, we couldn't hear her TV in my room. How did she hear us?"

"Yelling is different than TV noises?" Legolas suggested

"Yeah, but she came too fast. Like she was waiting for us to start yelling."

Legolas looked at Cheesy with a raised eyebrow, "Sure. Your grandma is an evil old lady that is plotting against us."

Cheesy rolled her eyes, "That's not what I meant! She is WAY to stupid for something like that. She thinks that you are a killer. Hello! She can't get much more stupid than that! She should wear a sign that says: 'Hello, I'm a moron 'cause I think that the nicest person on the planet is a killer.' SHE IS SO STUPID I CAN'T BELIEVE that I'm related to her! We have NOTHING in common. She is so mean and boring and-

"Cheesy?"

"What Legolas?"

"You're ranting again." Legolas said

"Oh, sorry."

"But you do have something in common."

"What's that?" Cheesy asked

"You both like to stay up till 3am." Legolas said

"True. But I bet she is staying up for evil reasons!" Cheesy said

"Yeah right. Like you said, she plotting our doom." Legolas said and laughed, "Wait, you think that I am the nicest person in the world?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I did say that. Yep I do."

"Wow I feel so special."

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh."

()()()()()()

The second Cheesy's 'Grandma' was out of hearing range of everyone in the house; she stopped screaming and laughed evilly.

She took a pink cell phone out of her pocket and dialed a number.

"The plan worked perfectly Kileana. You better hurry up and get here before the cops do!"

The old lady cackled and hung up.

Cheesy didn't know it but her grandma was a secrete agent for 'Fan Girls United' and she was plotting Cheesy and Legolas' doom.

She was possibility the oldest agent that they had…

Hey she was a rabid Elrond fan girl, she HAD to be old!

()()()()()()()()()()


	6. Big Trouble!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything LotR. Chapter 6 0.0!? 

"HUH? WHAT!? WHERE?! WHY?! HOW!?" Lem exclaimed and sat up on her bed

Jackie was sitting on the side of her bed with an evil smile on her face.

"AHHHH! What did you do?" Lem asked her

"_I_ didn't do anything." She said in a creepy tone

"Okay…what's up then?" Lem asked 

"Like I said, I didn't do anything. Cheesy did. The cops are coming to the castle." Jackie informed

0.0!? "What!? WHY!?" Lem asked

" 'Cause, Legolas tried to kill her." Jackie said calmly

(Loud gasp) "He finally snapped. I knew it was coming sooner or later. Is Cheesy okay?" Lem asked

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Oh come on Lem. He didn't really try to kill her. They were just being stupid like always."

"Ohhhh! Then who-

"Her grandma." Jackie said knowing the question, "She thought he was really going to kill her and called the cops."

"WOW! REALLY!?" Nienna asked hearing everything from the doorway where she was standing

"Didn't anyone tell you that eavesdropping is rude?" Jackie asked with a smile

"I don't know 'miss queen of snooping and eavesdropping'." Nienna replied

"But seriously. The cops are coming." Jackie said and looked out the window

"We should have an emergency meeting." Lem said and got out of bed

"Yeah, lets go." Jackie agreed

The three of them walked to down the hall to Aragorn's room and got him before heading to Cheesy's room.

"Cheesy?" Lem asked as she knocked on the door

"Come in." She replied

They entered to find Cheesy spinning around in her swivel chair. However she was not smiling and laughing, as she usually would be.

Legolas was sitting next to her in another swivel chair. He was not spinning though.

"We need to have an emergency meeting." Lem said and sat down on the floor

Cheesy laughed, "Did Jackie inform all of you already?"

They nodded.

"Well, we don't have anything to be worried about. He didn't really try to kill me. My stupid grandma made a mistake." Cheesy said

"True but are the cops going to believe that?" Jackie asked

"I don't see why not." Nienna said

"Nervous Cheesy?" Lem asked

"No, why should I be?" Cheesy replied

"There're here!" Aragorn exclaimed as he watched the little cars pull into the cheese colored drive way

Cheesy started breathing heavily, "Okay so maybe I am a bit nervous."

"Well, I know one thing." Legolas said

"What's that?" Jackie asked

"I REALLY hate Cheesy's grandma." Legolas replied

Jackie laughed, "Yeah. She is really…stupid."

(Nervous sigh) "Okay. Lets go." Cheesy said, opened the door to her room and walked down the hall to the stairs

The rest of them followed. They stopped at the top of the stairs and waited for Cheesy's grandma to call them

"Hey, where is Elrond?" Nienna asked

"Who knows?" Jackie said, "Somewhere."

"Shouldn't he be here too?" Lem asked

"We don't have time to find him now." Aragorn said

Cheesy sat down on the top step and sighed heavily.

"Wow. She never gets like this." Nienna stated and sat down next to her

"Rachel! Come down here and bring your little friends!" Her grandma called

Cheesy whimpered and got up. She gripped the staircase railing tighter than she needed to and slowly walked down the stairs, friends in tow.

"There you are Rachel. This nice man would like to talk to you. ALONE first, then with that one!" Her grandma said and pointed to Legolas, "The rest of you will also be questioned."

Cheesy nodded and walked into the kitchen with the policeman, she was shaking the whole time.

They sat down at the table and stared at each other for a while.

Then the policeman finally spoke, "I see you like girl scout cookies."

Cheesy blinked.

"Yeah…I do. Legolas bought them 'cause he's not evil and he didn't try to kill me and I don't want him to go to jail and it would be my choice 'cause I'm the one that was supposedly going to be a murder victim even thought that is REALLY silly." Cheesy said quickly

"Hmm, I see." The policeman said, "So what do you think we should do?"

Cheesy raised an eyebrow before she could stop herself, "Um, everyone excepts the fact that my grandma made a huge mistake."

"Hmmm, did your grandma ever come here before?" He asked

"No. This is the first time she has been here and or met my friends and she doesn't understand the fact that no one was going to be killed for real." Cheesy informed

"Hmmm, So what did happen?" He asked

Cheesy mentally rolled her eyes, sighed loudly and threw an ice cream cone at the policeman. _'Great! Now I have to explain that mess.'_

"Okay sir…Well, it all stared when…

(30 minuets later)

"…and then you showed up and asked me if I like girls scout cookies and then I said-

"Okay, you can stop now. I know the rest."

"Oh, okay then."

"Hmm…"

There was a long silence.

"I'm going to go get your grandma and Legolas now. Wait here."

"Okay." Cheesy said and drummed her fingers on the table

The policeman came back a few minuets later followed my Legolas and Cheesy's grandma.

The second they entered the room and the policeman closed the kitchen door and locked it, Cheesy knew something was up.

"That is so no one disturbs us." The policeman said when he was Cheesy staring at him

She nodded but still felt that something was up. Cheesy looked at Legolas and he looked back.

"So, now what?" Cheesy asked trying to remain calm and not bust out of the room screaming and waving her arms in the air

"Now we will discuss what were are going to do about this little 'mistake'." Her grandma said in a voice that scared Cheesy

"What we are going to do is this." Her grandma said, "Please sit down Rachel and Legolas."

Both were hesitant to do so but eventually obeyed.

"I don't like this." Cheesy whispered just loud enough for Legolas to hear

He nodded slightly.

"We will come to a little agreement C- I mean Rachel." Her grandma said, "You are going to go into the living room for a few moment while we talk to Legolas. I-

"No." Cheesy said and grabbed Legolas' hand, "No way am I going to-

"Rachel, do what your grandma says. Children must respect, listen to and obey their elders." The policeman said

"I don't care. Besides, Legolas is WAY older than 'Grandma.' " Cheesy said

"See!? I told you she is crazy!" her grandma said

"Now Rachel, be a good girl and go to the living room. I promise that we won't eat Legolas." The policeman said with a creepy laugh

This made Cheesy even more nervous, "I don't think I should. I do have a lot on enemies that are after Legolas and I-

"Don't be foolish child! What would an old woman and a policeman want with him?!" Her grandma asked

She did have a point, but still. Something didn't feel right.

"I still don't know. This doesn't feel right." Cheesy said eyeing her grandma

Her grandma sighed, "Come on! We are not going to do anything. What do you think is going to happen?"

"Why is the door locked?" Cheesy asked

"Like I said, so no one bothers us." The policeman said

"Why would anyone bother us?" Cheesy asked

"Just to be safe." The policeman said, "You can trust us. I promise, nothing is going to happen to Legolas."

Cheesy sighed. He didn't seem like he was lying. He looked right at her when he said that.

"Okay." Cheesy said quietly and stood up

She was going to go to the living room and wait but when she went to walk, Legolas would not let go of her hand.

Cheesy looked at him and he looked back at her.

Then Cheesy sat back down, "No. I'm not leaving. Something is really wrong here and I am NOT leaving Legolas here with you people."

"I knew we were going to have to do this the hard way." Her grandma sighed

"What are you talking about?!" Cheesy said and scooted away from her

"You are going to leave one way or another." The policeman said turning suddenly evil

Cheesy opened her mouth to scream but stopped when her grandma pulled a tiny animal out of her purse. Cheesy gasped.

"Oh look what I found one of those vile creatures." Her grandma said and roughly held the animal

"Larry!" Cheesy said, "Don't hurt him!"

The little cheese turkey squawked pathetically.

"Leave or the thing gets it." The policeman said and took it from her grandma

He started to squeeze Larry.

"But what about my friends!?" Cheesy asked, "I'll just go tell them."

"No you won't. We already have them tied up and locked in YOUR dungeon." Her grandma said

Cheesy looked at Legolas then at Larry and started crying.

"Oh please! If she's not going to leave just kill the thing!" her grandma said evilly

"NO!!!!!! Who are you!? You are **not **my grandma and you are no policeman!" Cheesy yelled

"Brilliant oh smart one. I am not you grandma. But I can't tell you who I am just yet. NOW LEAVE OR YOU STUPID PET GETS SQUASHED!"

"I can't." Cheesy cried, "I can't!"

"Cheesy its okay." Legolas said and let go of her hand

"No…"

The policeman smiled evilly but instead of squishing Larry, the evil butt head threw the poor turkey against the wall.

Larry squawked and stopped moving.

Cheesy started sobbing like crazy and put her head down on the table.

"Hmmm, more determined than I thought." Her 'grandma' said

"Oh come on! We don't have time for this!" the policeman said and grabbed Cheesy's arm and was about to pull her away when Legolas suddenly stood up and punched the evil freak

The policeman gave out a weird yell as he fell backwards into the pile of cookie boxes.

Legolas and Cheesy were about to make their escape when Evil Doom Granny blocked the door.

She snorted, "You can't hit me. Elder abuse!"

"Well, you can hit yourself can't you?" Cheesy said and grabbed the evil old lady's arm and punched her with her own arm

She fell over. It was funny she knocked herself out!

Legolas got the key from the unconscious policeman and unlocked the door. They were about to leave when Cheesy remembered Larry.

"Wait, I have to get Larry." Cheesy said and ran over to the turkey

Suddenly the window broke when a brick with a note on it came flying in.

Cheesy gasped and scooped up Larry. She then grabbed the brick and ran out of the room with Legolas.

They went back into the living room and realized that no one was there. No police, no friends, no anybody.

Cheesy sighed and sat down on the couch. She set the brick next to her and cradled Larry.

"He's still alive." Cheesy said relieved, "I wonder who threw the brick. Maybe the note says something."

Legolas sat down next to her and picked it up. He carefully took the rubber band off and took the paper off.

"We are like here for him. Granny and the police were all part of the like plan. Don't even bother to look for your friends. They lied, we have them and if you ever like want to see them again bring Legolas to headquarters." Legolas read

Cheesy frowned, "The rabid fan girls! I knew something was wrong!"

She got up and walked to the turkey room, Cheesy set Larry down in his nest and was about to leave when she heard the closet door squeak open.

"Who's there?!!!" Cheesy yelled and waved a broom at the door

"Cheesy?! Its Lem!" Lem said and crawled out of the closet

"HUH!? What happed!? Where is everyone!?" Cheesy asked

"They took them! The fan girls, Kileana entered the castle and her minions took them! Nienna, Jackie, and Aragorn!" Lem said, "They didn't notice me sneak away though. Oh, please tell me that you still have Legolas with you!" Lem said

"I do, that woman was not my grandma! She tried to kill Larry!" Cheesy exclaimed, "Lets go back to the living room. I don't know if the fan girls might still be in the castle."

The two of them sprinted back to the living room.

"Good. We thought the fan girls were still here and they took you." Lem said to Legolas

"We have to go get our friends back." Cheesy said

"Hey wait a minuet, what ever happened to Elrond?" Legolas asked

"Good question. We should go look for him, maybe the fan girls didn't find him." Lem said

"Okay, but lets all go together. We don't need the fan girls sneaking up on us." Cheesy said

The three of them walked up the stairs to Elrond's room.

"Elrond?" Cheesy called and knocked on the door

When there was no response Cheesy pushed open the door.

There was no sign of Elrond.

"Look!" Lem said and pointed

There was a message written on the wall in pink lipstick.

"We have Elrond too! He belongs to us anyway!" Cheesy read, "Well, at least we know what happened to him."

"Poor, poor Elrond." Legolas said

"What are you going to do?" Lem asked Cheesy

"We have to go to fan girl headquarters and rescue our friends. Duh!" Cheesy said

"Right now? I'm too tired it like, 5am!" Lem replied

"Oh, well I guess we can wait till tomorrow. We won't be able to do much if we are falling asleep." Cheesy said, "But I want to make sure that the fan girls won't get us."

"How on earth are we going to search the entire castle?" Legolas asked

"No! Never mind." Cheesy said

"Whatever. I'm going back to sleep, after I smash your 'grandma's' TV." Legolas said with a smile

! "Hehehe, Okay. I'm coming too. That was the stupid thing that started it anyway." Cheesy said

"Then I think I'll call that cat food company and annoy them." Legolas said

"Do you remember the number?" Lem asked

"How could I ever forget that? Yes, I remember. I can quote the entire commercial! 1-800-555-MEOW." Legolas said

"YAY! Lets go smash a TV!" Cheesy said as they walked up stairs and into evil Granny's room

Legolas turned on the TV and sure enough it was turned to that channel.

_"BUY ADVANCED CAT FOOD BRAND TODAY!!!!!!" (Cats meow loudly, opening music)_

"If you have cats then advanced cat food is for you! It is specially formulated for easy digestion and dental hygiene in kitty's mo-

The commercial stopped when Legolas kicked the TV off of its stand.

Cheesy laughed evilly and pointed to the fallen TV.

"DIE EVIL THING!" Legolas yelled and threw random objects at it

Then he picked up the phone and dialed, 1-800-555-MEOW.

"Hello you have reached the advanced cat food company, how may I help you?" The person asked

"Well, for one thing, you can stop putting that commercial on at 3am and playing it OVER AND OVER and for another, **CAT FOOD SUCKS AND I DON'T OWN A CAT!"** Legolas yelled into the phone before he threw it across the room at the TV

"Feel better?" Lem asked

Legolas smiled and nodded.

Cheesy continued to laugh evilly and point at the TV.

"Okay you can stop now." Legolas said

Cheesy shut up and smiled.

"I'm sleepy." She said

"Join the club." Lem and Legolas said

"There's a club!?" Cheesy asked

Lhaewen- Thanks! EVIL GRANNYS! LOL

Jamie Leigh- Hehehe! Yesss the plot does thicken.

Volinde- LOL I would totally go crazy over the cat food thing too.

LegoGrl- No! LOL liking Elrond does not make you old! I like Elrond he's cool! My favorite Elf Lord!

Funkychickenmuffin- Thanks! That's okay that you didn't review. I understand computer trouble perfectly!

Laseri- LOL thanks! The commercial was of my invention! That was like one of my favorite things that I ever wrote. I think it took the solid gold turkey for the oddest chapter!

LadyGlory- Yep! The evil granny is plotting!!!


	7. Fort of the Forest Fan Girls

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my characters and my plot.

OH MY GOD! What is this? THE Cheese Turkey is updating Fan Girls United! Yes, that's right my favorite fans. I suddenly discovered the search button on Microsoft word. "Hm, what's this I thought?" So to find out I typed in the word 'the' and all 5 missing chapters of this story turned up! Go figure, I don't know how it happened, just enjoy!

Chapter 7

Cheesy, Lem and Legolas went back to the living room and fell asleep on the couch and the two chairs that were next to it.

They wanted to get a few hours of sleep before they went fan girl hunting.

Cheese was mumbling in her sleep again. She must have been thinking about the doom of the world and her taking over it with cheese and turkeys.

Legolas was saying some thing about cat food commercials and death to the people that created them.

Lem was randomly thinking about apples.

So, the whole thing sounded something like this:

"Muawahaha! My cheese turkey's are no match for you tiny guns!"

"Die cat food people! May cats eat YOU!"

"Apples are good. I love them, they are so yummy!"

Odd, yes I know.

A Few hours later, Cheesy suddenly sat up and yelled a loud war cry that scared the cheese out of Legolas and Lem.

Then Cheesy got off the chair that she was sleeping on and ran off to her room.

"Nice wake up." Legolas said annoyed.

Lem was still frightened, "WHAT BIT HER BUTT?"

Legolas snickered, "I don't want to know."

"That was just creepy! You don't do that to people!" Lem said and got off the other chair that she was sleeping on

Legolas remained on the couch. He stared up at the ceiling and was about to say something when they again heard Cheesy's loud war cry.

She jumped over the couch and landed on the cheese shaped coffee table.

Cheesy was wearing black pants with many pockets and a black tee shirt that said 'I eat fan girls' in red letters. Her black boots that came up to her knees were laced up over her pants. She also had a black bandanna over her hair that had a picture of angry cheese on it and she had war paint smeared on her face. Her cheese ball gun, that was usually cheese-orange/yellow, was now black and loaded with black stealth cheese.

Cheesy cracked her knuckles and growled evilly.

"LET'S HUNT SOME FAN GIRL!" She bellowed and hooted stupidly.

Legolas and Lem stared open mouthed and wide eyed.

What on Middle Earth?" Legolas exclaimed and pointed to Cheesy.

"Wow! That is freakish Cheesy!" Lem said fearing for her life.

"Are you two just going to sit there like melted cheese on a hot day or are you going to join me?" Cheesy half asked half yelled and pointed her cheese ball gun at Legolas

"Ah! Okay, okay! Lets go!" Legolas said and got off the couch

Lem rolled her eyes, "Well, I for one am not am going to hunt fan girls in my pajamas."

She then walked off to her room to change.

Cheesy sighed. Her moment was ruined once again.

"I'll wait outside." She said

OooO

Cheesy was sitting outside when the door to the castle opened and Lem appeared dressed similar to Cheesy. She also had a black cheese ball gun and following her was the biggest meanest cheese turkey in the army.

It was the size of a large car and as round as the big cheese colored sun!

It gobbled a greeting to Cheesy and stomped around a bit.

"Hiya Brutus!" Cheesy said and patted his head as he bowed to her, "I see that Lem is brining you along to help us!"

"Where is Legolas?" Cheesy asked Lem

"In the castle…COME ON LEGOLAS! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!"

"NO! I'M NOT COMING OUT!" he replied from somewhere in the castle, "I look ridiculous!"

"No you don't just come out!" Lem said

The door slowly opened and Legolas walked out dressed in tight black leather pants and a black shirt that said 'Cheese is Good.' He also had a cheese ball gun, a black cloak and another cheese turkey was loyally following him.

Cheesy stopped petting Brutus and stared at Legolas.

"Wow!" she said with huge eyes.

Legolas rolled his eyes, "Fan girl."

Cheesy blinked several times to clear her thoughts that were currently plagued her mind with sever different ideas. None can be mentioned here.

"So…why is Chester following you?" Cheesy asked him once the thoughts were gone

"He followed me. I can't get him to leave," Legolas replied and pointed to the cheese turkey that was close behind him.

Lem smiled, "Hello Chester. I see that you like Legolas."

The smaller cheese turkey that was just a bit bigger than a normal turkey tilted his head to one side and gobbled.

"Well, I suppose you can come too!" Lem said and patted Chester

Cheesy hopped on Brutus' back, "Well, are we ready?"

"Unlike you, we are going to ride horses," Legolas said as two pretty gray horses appeared beside him.

"WOW! How did I do that!" Legolas asked at looked at the horse that had magically appeared

"Authoress powers. You did nothing," Cheesy replied with a smile as Brutus ran off at full speed.

Legolas frowned, "I bet I could make a horse appear if I wanted to!"

Lem got on her horse, "Right, whatever. Just don't hurt yourself trying!"

With that said she rode off after Cheesy.

Legolas grumbled and followed them, "I _can _make a horse appear."

They rode on for a few hours before they came to the 'Fan Girl Forest'. This was where the rogue fan girls lived like primitive jungle people.

"Be careful," Cheesy whispered to Legolas, "This is a very dangerous part of the journey. There is a huge difference between rogue and rabid fan girls."

"What's the difference?" Legolas whispered back and looked around nervously

"When the rabid ones attack, you have a chance to get away. When the rogue ones attack…well, let's just say that I may get you back in TEN YEARS!" Cheesy informed, "Put your cloak hood up and wear this pineapple mask, Legolas. They will be less likely to notice you and from now on you will be known as The Pineapple King. I'm to be called Katz. The fan girls in this forest despise pineapples and they will hopefully leave you alone."

"The Pineapple King? What! That is so stupid!" Legolas said

"Well, duh. Did you expect it to be normal?" Lem asked

"No I guess not," Legolas replied.

"Okay Lem and the Pineapple King, let's go!" Cheesy said as Brutus started to walk into the forest

After 15 minuets there was a rustling in the trees above them.

Cheesy instantly looked up.

"What was that?" She asked aloud

Brutus gobbled and shook his feathers in an annoyed manor.

"What wrong with him?" Lem asked

"I don't know, he must sense something," Cheesy replied, "Maybe it's the fan girls."

As if on cue four strange looking girls dropped out of the trees and stared at us.

They were dressed in leaf clothes and looked like wild bush people! Their hair was frizzed and they had green war paint smeared all over them.

"Who are you and what business do you have in our realm?" one of the girls asked fiercely

"Oh hiya! We are just passing through," Cheesy said.

They didn't look convinced.

"Ooookay, my name is Katz; this is Lem and The Pineapple King," Cheesy introduced.

At the mention of pineapple the girls hissed and stepped back.

"What is that beast you ride?" another girl asked

"This is a cheese turkey," Cheesy replied and patted Brutus and pointed to Chester who was sleeping on the back of Legolas' horse.

"The cheese turkey, I know of that creature! They live not far from here in a big castle made of cheese! That's what the stories say." The third girl said

"Oh, do they? So it's made of cheese is it?" Cheesy asked annoyed

Her castle was **NOT** _made _of cheese!

"Where did you get such creatures?" the leader asked

"From a friend. She got it for me for my birthday." Cheesy said

The fan girls were more interested in Brutus then they were in Legolas. Cheesy smiled, the plan was working.

"So, may we continue passing through your shiny forest?" Lem asked

"Hmm…Okay!" the leader said with a smile, "We will guide you."

"Oh, I'm sure we can manage thanks though," Lem said.

"No, no I insist. Follow us!" The fan girl said and started walking off

Cheesy grumbled something nasty and followed.

"So what or who are you after today?" Legolas asked them

"Us? Why would we be hunting someone?" one of the girls asked defensively

"You're a fan girl, that's what you do," Legolas replied.

"Hmmm, we usually want nothing to do with people that like pineapples, but you seem pretty trust worthy Pineapple king." The leader said, "Do you know of a Kileana?"

Legolas, Lem and Cheese looked at each other.

"Yes, we know of her," Legolas said after a while.

"Well, she has every fan girl on high alert for that hotter than hot elf called Legolas." The fan girl said and drifted off into a drooling fit, "I suppose you know of him also."

Cheesy almost burst out laughing when she saw Legolas shudder.

"Yes I now him. I've met him a few times." Cheesy said with a laugh

"Really? You are so lucky!"

"Well, It is said that he lives in that cheese castle that I was taking about earlier, with some girl that is called…Cheeby?" the fan girl explained

-.- "Cheeby? Since it's a cheesy castle, don't you think the name would be Cheesy?" Cheesy asked

The fan girls pondered…

"No! It has to be Cheeby!" she said

"So do you know what Kileana is planning?" Lem asked

"Well, that's simple. She is going to steal Legolas from Cheeby!" the fan girl said

"When?" Cheesy asked

"I don't know! She didn't tell us that. Why do you want to know?"

"Just interested," Lem replied.

"Oh, well whatever…so anyways we are on high alert to look out of Legolas," The leader said.

"Well, if I catch him I'm not giving him to Kileana!" one of the other fan girls said, "If I caught him, he's mine!"

"No! He would be mine!" Another shouted

"NO! MY ELF!" The other one yelled in protest

"SHUT UP!" the leader said, "Besides, he would be mine."

Cheesy groaned. More fan girl civil wars started this way. One-day one girl wakes up and decides to call Legolas hers and the whole fan girl world is turned upside down and everyone freaks out!

"So Katz, where do you live?" asked the fourth fan girl who was still acting normal

"Um…aren't you going to fight over Legolas too?" Cheesy asked

"No. I love Frodo," She said.

"Oh okay. I live north on here, in that town above Cheesetopia." Cheesy said not letting on that she was the ruler of it and queen of the castle, "Near Cast-tell Parrot."

"Cast-tell Parrot? That's where Aragorn lives! He is sooooooooooo hot too!" the fighting fan girls said at the same time

"I thought you liked Legolas," Lem said.

"Um, we do but we like Aragorn to," They said with a smiled.

Lem rolled her eyes. Stupid fan girls can't make up their mind!

"I'm tired of walking!" one of the fan girls complained, "Let's stop for the night! It's getting dark! I hate the dark! Besides I have to put on some normal clothes! We only wear these stupid clothes to scare people."

It was still 7 hours till nighttime.

"We are almost back to our fort," The leader said, "You can stay the night! WE CAN HAVE A SLEEP OVER!"

"Ehh, that's okay. We can ride through the night," Lem said nervously.

"NO! YOU HAVE TO STAY! We can do each other's hair and nails and stuff! Then we can listen to Justin Timberlake and talk about how hot Orlando Bloom is and play truth or dare and other stuff! We can have so much fun!" the lead fan girl screamed and grabbed Cheesy's arm

Cheesy was too shocked, disgusted, horrified, and scared to say anything.

"Good! I'll take that as a yes! This is going to be soooo cool! Then you can join us in our hunt for Legolas! I- Oh look! There's the fort now!" the fan girl shrieked and ran towards it.

"Hair, nails and truth or dare?" Lem hissed as if the words burned her mouth, "What is this place of horror and doom? I have never partaken in such evil nor do I plan too."

"Well, now we HAVE to," Cheesy said and shuddered.

Brutus didn't like this place either and as they neared the pink and purple fort he began to get nervous.

"It's okay Brutus, we can leave first thing tomorrow," Cheesy reassured him.

"I don't have to do that stuff. Do I?" Legolas whispered

"I hope not," Cheesy whispered back and shook her head, "You do not deserve to be exposed to such evil. You are an elf, it would probably kill you."

"This is horrible. How Are we going to survive this?" Lem asked

"I don't know," Cheesy said slowly as she approached the pink and purple dwelling.

OooO

Hehehe, look for more very soon!


	8. A Hunting we will go

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my characters and my plot.

OH MY GOD?! What is this? THE Cheese Turkey is updating Fan Girls United! Yes, that's right my favorite fans. I suddenly discovered the search button on Microsoft word. "Hm, what's this I thought?" So to find out I typed in the word 'the' and all 5 missing chapters of this story turned up! Go figure, I don't know how it happened, just enjoy!

Chapter 8 X0?

Cheesy, Lem and Legolas went back to the living room and fell asleep on the couch and the two chairs that were next to it.

They wanted to get a few hours of sleep before they went fan girl hunting.

Cheese was mumbling in her sleep again. She must have been thinking about the doom of the world and her taking over it with cheese and turkeys.

Legolas was saying some thing about cat food commercials and death to the people that created them.

Lem was randomly thinking about apples.

So, the whole thing sounded something like this:

"Muawahaha! My cheese turkeys' are no match for you tiny guns!"

"Die cat food people! May cats eat YOU!"

"Apples are good. I love them, they are so yummy!"

Odd, yes I know.

A Few hours later, Cheesy suddenly sat up and yelled a loud war cry that scared the cheese out of Legolas and Lem.

Then Cheesy got off the chair that she was sleeping on and ran off to her room.

"Nice wake up." Legolas said annoyed.

Lem was still frightened, "WHAT BIT HER BUTT!?"

Legolas snickered, "I don't want to know."

"That was just creepy! You don't do that to people!" Lem said and got off the other chair that she was sleeping on

Legolas remained on the couch. He stared up at the ceiling and was about to say something when they again heard Cheesy's loud war cry.

She jumped over the couch and landed on the cheese shaped coffee table.

Cheesy was wearing black pants with many pockets and a black tee shirt that said 'I eat fan girls' in red letters. Her black boots that came up to her knees were laced up over her pants. She also had a black bandanna over her hair that had a picture of angry cheese on it and she had war paint smeared on her face. Her cheese ball gun, that was usually cheese-orange/yellow, was now black and loaded with black stealth cheese.

Cheesy cracked her knuckles and growled evilly.

"LET'S HUNT SOME FAN GIRL!" She bellowed and hooted stupidly.

Legolas and Lem stared open mouthed and wide eyed.

What on Middle Earth!?" Legolas exclaimed and pointed to Cheesy.

"Wow! That is freakish Cheesy!" Lem said fearing for her life.

"Are you two just going to sit there like melted cheese on a hot day or are you going to join me!?" Cheesy half asked half yelled and pointed her cheese ball gun at Legolas

"Ah! Okay, okay! Let's go!" Legolas said and got off the couch

Lem rolled her eyes, "Well, I for one am not am going to hunt fan girls in my pajamas."

She then walked off to her room to change.

Cheesy sighed. Her moment was ruined once again.

"I'll wait outside." She said

OooO

Cheesy was sitting outside when the door to the castle opened and Lem appeared dressed similar to Cheesy. She also had a black cheese ball gun and following her was the biggest meanest cheese turkey in the army.

It was the size of a large car and as round as the big cheese colored sun!

It gobbled a greeting to Cheesy and stomped around a bit.

"Hiya Brutus!" Cheesy said and patted his head as he bowed to her, "I see that Lem is brining you along to help us!"

"Where is Legolas?" Cheesy asked Lem

"In the castle…COME ON LEGOLAS! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!"

"NO! I'M NOT COMING OUT!" he replied from somewhere in the castle, "I look ridiculous!"

"No you don't just come out!" Lem said

The door slowly opened and Legolas walked out dressed in tight black leather pants and a black shirt that said 'Cheese is Good.' He also had a cheese ball gun, a black cloak and another cheese turkey was loyally following him.

Cheesy stopped petting Brutus and stared at Legolas.

"Wow!" she said with huge eyes.

Legolas rolled his eyes, "Fan girl."

Cheesy blinked several times to clear her thoughts that were currently plagued her mind with sever different ideas. None can be mentioned here.

"So…why is Chester following you?" Cheesy asked him once the thoughts were gone

"He followed me. I can't get him to leave," Legolas replied and pointed to the cheese turkey that was close behind him.

Lem smiled, "Hello Chester. I see that you like Legolas."

The smaller cheese turkey that was just a bit bigger than a normal turkey tilted his head to one side and gobbled.

"Well, I suppose you can come too!" Lem said and patted Chester

Cheesy hopped on Brutus' back, "Well, are we ready?"

"Unlike you, we are going to ride horses," Legolas said as two pretty gray horses appeared beside him.

"WOW! How did I do that?!" Legolas asked at looked at the horse that had magically appeared

"Authoress powers. You did nothing," Cheesy replied with a smile as Brutus ran off at full speed.

Legolas frowned, "I bet I could make a horse appear if I wanted to!"

Lem got on her horse, "Right, whatever. Just don't hurt yourself trying!"

With that said she rode off after Cheesy.

Legolas grumbled and followed them, "I _can _make a horse appear."

They rode on for a few hours before they came to the 'Fan Girl Forest'. This was where the rogue fan girls lived like primitive jungle people.

"Be careful," Cheesy whispered to Legolas, "This is a very dangerous part of the journey. There is a huge difference between rogue and rabid fan girls."

"What's the difference?" Legolas whispered back and looked around nervously

"When the rabid ones attack, you have a chance to get away. When the rogue ones attack…well, let's just say that I may get you back in TEN YEARS!" Cheesy informed, "Put your cloak hood up and wear this pineapple mask, Legolas. They will be less likely to notice you and from now on you will be known as The Pineapple King. I'm to be called Katz. The fan girls in this forest despise pineapples and they will hopefully leave you alone."

"The Pineapple King!? What?! That is so stupid!" Legolas said

"Well, duh. Did you expect it to be normal?" Lem asked

"No I guess not," Legolas replied.

"Okay Lem and the Pineapple King, let's go!" Cheesy said as Brutus started to walk into the forest

After 15 minuets there was a rustling in the trees above them.

Cheesy instantly looked up.

"What was that?" She asked aloud

Brutus gobbled and shook his feathers in an annoyed manor.

"What wrong with him?" Lem asked

"I don't know, he must sense something," Cheesy replied, "Maybe it's the fan girls."

As if on cue four strange looking girls dropped out of the trees and stared at us.

They were dressed in leaf clothes and looked like wild bush people! Their hair was frizzed and they had green war paint smeared all over them.

"Who are you and what business do you have in our realm?" one of the girls asked fiercely

"Oh hiya! We are just passing through," Cheesy said.

They didn't look convinced.

"Ooookay, my name is Katz; this is Lem and The Pineapple King," Cheesy introduced.

At the mention of pineapple the girls hissed and stepped back.

"What is that beast you ride?" another girl asked

"This is a cheese turkey," Cheesy replied and patted Brutus and pointed to Chester who was sleeping on the back of Legolas' horse.

"The cheese turkey, I know of that creature! They live not far from here in a big castle made of cheese! That's what the stories say." The third girl said

"Oh, do they? So it's made of cheese is it?" Cheesy asked annoyed

Her castle was **NOT** _made _of cheese!

"Where did you get such creatures?" the leader asked

"From a friend. She got it for me for my birthday." Cheesy said

The fan girls were more interested in Brutus then they were in Legolas. Cheesy smiled, the plan was working.

"So, may we continue passing through your shiny forest?" Lem asked

"Hmm…Okay!" the leader said with a smile, "We will guide you."

"Oh, I'm sure we can manage thanks though," Lem said.

"No, no I insist. Follow us!" The fan girl said and started walking off

Cheesy grumbled something nasty and followed.

"So what or who are you after today?" Legolas asked them

"Us? Why would we be hunting someone?" one of the girls asked defensively

"You're a fan girl, that's what you do," Legolas replied.

"Hmmm, we usually want nothing to do with people that like pineapples, but you seem pretty trust worthy Pineapple king." The leader said, "Do you know of a Kileana?"

Legolas, Lem and Cheese looked at each other.

"Yes, we know of her," Legolas said after a while.

"Well, she has every fan girl on high alert for that hotter than hot elf called Legolas." The fan girl said and drifted off into a drooling fit, "I suppose you know of him also."

Cheesy almost burst out laughing when she saw Legolas shudder.

"Yes I now him. I've met him a few times." Cheesy said with a laugh

"Really!? You are so lucky!"

"Well, It is said that he lives in that cheese castle that I was taking about earlier, with some girl that is called…Cheeby?" the fan girl explained

-.- "Cheeby? Since it's a cheesy castle, don't you think the name would be Cheesy?" Cheesy asked

The fan girls pondered…

"No! It has to be Cheeby!" she said

"So do you know what Kileana is planning?" Lem asked

"Well, that's simple. She is going to steal Legolas from Cheeby!" the fan girl said

"When?" Cheesy asked

"I don't know! She didn't tell us that. Why do you want to know?"

"Just interested," Lem replied.

"Oh, well whatever…so anyways we are on high alert to look out of Legolas," The leader said.

"Well, if I catch him I'm not giving him to Kileana!" one of the other fan girls said, "If I caught him, he's mine!"

"No! He would be mine!" Another shouted

"NO! MY ELF!" The other one yelled in protest

"SHUT UP!" the leader said, "Besides, he would be mine."

Cheesy groaned. More fan girl civil wars started this way. One-day one girl wakes up and decides to call Legolas hers and the whole fan girl world is turned upside down and everyone freaks out!

"So Katz, where do you live?" asked the fourth fan girl who was still acting normal

"Um…aren't you going to fight over Legolas too?" Cheesy asked

"No. I love Frodo," She said.

"Oh okay. I live north on here, in that town above Cheesetopia." Cheesy said not letting on that she was the ruler of it and queen of the castle, "Near Cast-tell Parrot."

"Cast-tell Parrot? That's where Aragorn lives! He is sooooooooooo hot too!" the fighting fan girls said at the same time

"I thought you liked Legolas," Lem said.

"Um, we do but we like Aragorn to," They said with a smiled.

Lem rolled her eyes. Stupid fan girls can't make up their mind!

"I'm tired of walking!" one of the fan girls complained, "Let's stop for the night! It's getting dark! I hate the dark! Besides I have to put on some normal clothes! We only wear these stupid clothes to scare people."

It was still 7 hours till nighttime.

"We are almost back to our fort," The leader said, "You can stay the night! WE CAN HAVE A SLEEP OVER!!!"

"Ehh, that's okay. We can ride through the night," Lem said nervously.

"NO! YOU HAVE TO STAY! We can do each other's hair and nails and stuff! Then we can listen to Justin Timberlake and talk about how hot Orlando Bloom is and play truth or dare and other stuff! We can have so much fun!" the lead fan girl screamed and grabbed Cheesy's arm

Cheesy was too shocked, disgusted, horrified, and scared to say anything.

"Good! I'll take that as a yes!!! This is going to be soooo cool! Then you can join us in our hunt for Legolas! I- Oh look! There's the fort now!" the fan girl shrieked and ran towards it.

"Hair, nails and truth or dare?" Lem hissed as if the words burned her mouth, "What is this place of horror and doom? I have never partaken in such evil nor do I plan too."

"Well, now we HAVE to," Cheesy said and shuddered.

Brutus didn't like this place either and as they neared the pink and purple fort he began to get nervous.

"It's okay Brutus, we can leave first thing tomorrow," Cheesy reassured him.

"I don't have to do that stuff. Do I?" Legolas whispered

"I hope not," Cheesy whispered back and shook her head, "You do not deserve to be exposed to such evil. You are an elf, it would probably kill you."

"This is horrible. How Are we going to survive this?" Lem asked

"I don't know," Cheesy said slowly as she approached the pink and purple dwelling.

OooO

Hehehe, look for more very soon!


	9. The Dwarf

Fan Girls United Chapter 9

Chester squawked in protest as two fan girls tried to lift him off of Legolas' horse.

"What is this thing?!" one of the girls asked

"I don't know Lela. It looks so weird, but its cute!!" the other replied

"Careful! Don't hurt him! Oh! Just let him sleep outside the stable thing." Cheesy growled as two random fan girls led Brutus and Chester outside

"Come on! Lets go start the sleepover!" the leader said, "Oh and by the way, my name is Meg. This is Keya, Sammy and Ally."

Cheesy nodded, Lem frowned and Legolas blinked.

'Wow they are stupid.' He thought, 'I'm standing right in front of them and they don't know it.'

"Okay, lets go!!!" Meg said and grabbed Cheesy arm

She pulled her upstairs to a bright pink room with lots of purple shiny things all over it. Everything was soft and fluffy and cute. It was so gross!

Lem and Legolas followed slowly. Lem was grumbling and complaining the entire time while Legolas prayed that he wouldn't have to join us.

Meg quickly grabbed Lem and pulled her into the room. Then she glared at Legolas.

"No boys aloud!" she said and slammed the door

Legolas stood in the dark hallway with a huge smile on his face.

"THANK THE VALAR!!!!!" He yelled and ran off

Inside the room, Cheesy and Lem weren't as lucky.

"Well! We have chips, popcorn, ice cream and…Chocolate." Meg said

Cheesy eyes went wide. She had to resist the chocolate. Something bad could happen if she got all hyper. She could something that would expose their real purpose for being in the fan girl forest.

Luckily no one had noticed Cheesy's shirt that said: 'I eat Fan Girls'

Lem sat down in a pink fluffy chair.

"This is evil. Pure evil." She whispered to Cheesy

Cheesy nodded.

"So! Want some chocolate!?" Ally asked and shoved some in Cheesy's face

"I umm, no I can't. I'm allergic!!" Cheesy said

"REALLY?! Wow! I feel bad for you." Ally replied and ate the chocolate herself

"So what should we do first girls?" Keya asked

"Let's play truth or dare!" Sammy exclaimed

Alli, Meg and Keya agreed happily. Cheesy and Lem shrugged.

"Okay, truth or dare Katz?" Meg asked

"Hmm truth." Cheesy/Katz said

"Well, is it true that you know The Cheese Turkey?" Meg asked

Cheesy blinked. Did they suspect something? Was this little sleepover just a way to get information from travelers that may know the whereabouts of Legolas? It was the perfect plan. Under the code of truth or dare, no girl could lie.

"I…um, yes. I know her." Cheesy said

Meg seemed to be pleased with this answer.

"Okay, Katz it's your turn." She said

"Okay, um Keya. Truth or Dare?" Cheesy replied

"Dare!" she said

Cheesy then realized that she could use this to her advantage too. She could find out more about Kileana's plans but she would have to be careful…

"I dare you to…go to the leader of this place and tell her that she…is ugly as an orc!" Cheesy said with a smile

The fan girls gasped.

"But that is dangerous! She is evil!" Sammy said

"You have to! Those are the rules!" Lem said

The fan girls looked uncertainly at each other and gulped.

Legolas wandered the halls of the fan girl building. He was feeling very happy with the face that he did not have to take part in evil activities.

He was also glad that he could walk through the fan girl building and not be attacked my mobs of crazed teenaged girls.

Cheesy disguise actually worked! He would have to remember to give her a hug. She would like that.

A soft noise coming from one of the rooms caught his attention.

He followed the noise to the end of the hallway where there were two very large thick wooden doors. Legolas found that these doors were not locked and that he could easily enter without setting off any alarms.

Legolas looked to the left, then to the right and entered the room.

He was surprised to find that it led to a flight of stairs that went down so far that he could not see the end.

Legolas shrugged and started walking down the stairs. After about 200 stairs he stared to get tired of walking and suddenly got a brilliant idea. Legolas smiled and attempted to surf down the railing.

To his surprise this worked…for a wile. Then Legolas lost his balance and fell off the side. Luckily it was on the side that the stairs were on and not the other where the 70ft droop was.

Legolas then decided to slide down. This worked much better until he finally came to the bottom where he slid right off and landed hard on the floor.

"Ow." He mumbled and got up

At the bottom there were three tunnels leading off into the dark places of the fan girl fort.

He still heard the odd noise although it was much closer now and it was coming from the second tunnel. So Legolas headed in this direction.

The tunnel was long, winding and dark. Legolas hoped that he would be able to find his way out.

This turning and winding went on for a while before the tunnel finally opened up into a large room with barred cells lining the walls.

Then it became clear what the sound was.

In darkest corner of this dungeon there lurked a great evil.

Legolas gasped when he realized what this evil was. It was so evil that Legolas almost died from the mere sight of it.

In the corner was a TV playing a Brittney Spears instructional dance video and under it was another TV playing Lord of the Rings…the animated version!!!!

Legolas repeatedly kicked the TVs until he was sure that they were dead.

What kind of monsters subjected people this kind of evil disgusting torture!?

Legolas looked around and saw that all the cells were empty except one. There was someone in the cell closeted to the wall he could see them moving.

He walked over to the cell and looked in.

"GIMLI?!?" He exclaimed

The dwarf yelled and jumped away from Legolas.

"BACK EVIL MONSTER! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEE!!!!!!!" Gimli yelled

"Gimli? What's wrong? It me, Legolas!" Legolas said

"AH!! Now the monster is trying to make me think that it's my friend! EVIL! YOU ARE NOT LEGOLAS MY FRIEND DOSE NOT LOOK LIKE THAT!!!!" Gimli ranted

Legolas could not figure out what he was talking about for the longest time before he finally realized that he still had the pineapple mask on.

He quickly took it off.

"See? It's me, Legolas. Sorry about that, it's a disguise from the fan girls." He said

"Legolas? What are you doing here?" Gimli asked, "It's VERY dangerous for you here!"

"I'm with Cheesy; we are going to fan girl headquarters." Legolas informed and told Gimli the rest of the story

"So, what are you doing here?" Legolas asked Gimli and sat down of the ground in front of the cell

He found a bag of Girl Scout cookies in his pocket and started munching on them.

"Wanna cookie?" He asked Gimli

Gimli nodded, grabbed the entire bag and shoved them in his mouth.

"Hey! I wanted some!" Legolas said

"You were not fed pink fluffy food for 2 weeks!" Gimli exclaimed and licked the chocolate out of the bag, "Got any more?"

Legolas rolled his eyes, "Dwarves!"

"Elves!" Gimli replied and tossed the empty bag at Legolas' head

"Yeah, so are you going to tell me why you are in there?" said Legolas angry that his precious cookies were taken and the empty bag was just throw at his head

"Okay, Well it all started when minding my own business and simply walking through this forest when I was attacked by strange girls! They said that I knew the 'Hot elf' and that I might have information. So they took me and brought me down here. It was horrible Legolas! They made me watch teletubbies and Brittney Spears and that evil evil evil animated version because I didn't know where you were! They thought I just wasn't telling so they made me watch it AGAIN!!!!!!" Gimli informed

"That's terrible. No one should have to watch that stuff." Legolas said

"I know. So, can you get me out of here?!" Gimli asked

Legolas smiled, "Maybeeee…"

"Don't play games with me elf!" Gimli warned

"You ate my cookies!" Legolas said and pouted

"I was hungry! I haven't had anything good to eat in over two weeks!" Gimli said

"But they were mine and I wanted them!" Legolas said

"What happened to you elf? Was Cheesy spoiling you again?" Gimli asked

"Maybe," Legolas said.

Gimli sighed, "You are impossible!"

"Yes I am!" Legolas said with a smile

Gimli rolled his eyes, "So ARE you going to get me out of here?"

"Maybe," Legolas replied.

"What do you want?" Gimli said hoping he could make a deal with the elf

"I want cookies." Legolas said

"Why?"

"I like cookies." Legolas replied

"Whatever, fine. Get me out of here and I will get you more cookies." Gimli said

"Really?"

"Yes really!"

"I don't believe you." Legolas said

Gimli sighed loudly, "Well, what can I do to make you believe me?"

"Get me a cookie." Legolas replied with a smile

"I WILL WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!"

"But, I wanna cookie now!"

Gimli grumbled something along the lines of 'stupid elf'.

"What was that?" Legolas asked, "Was it about my cookies that you ate?"

Yeah. That's what I said." Gimli replied

"So, are you going to get me cookies?"

"Are you going to get me out of here?"

"Maybeeee."

Gimli screamed in frustration.

"Please get me out of here?!!"

"Maybe…"

"Just get me out of here! I WANT OUT NOW AND IF YOU DO NOT LET ME OUT I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU NEVER **EVER** GET ANOTHER COOKIE AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!" Gimli exclaimed

"But, I'm immortal, so that means that means no more cookies FOREVER!!!!!" Legolas yelled

Gimli nodded, "Exactly."

"You are an evil, evil dwarf!" Legolas said and pointed at Gimli

"Now get me out of here or I swear that will happen. NO MORE COOKIES FOR THE STUPID ELF!" Gimli yelled

"I am not stupid."

"Yes you are! I think Cheesy is killing your brain cells with so many cookies!"

"No, and just for that, I'm going to leave!" Legolas said and stared to walk away

"Fine then, I will make sure that you never eat another cookie as long as you live." Gimli said evilly

"And how are you going to do that from in there?" Legolas asked

"I have my ways." Gimli replied

"Yeah right." Legolas said and took another bag of cookies out of his pocket.

"I warning you don't eat them. They are now cursed!" Gimli warned

Legolas rolled his eyes and ate the bag of cookies.

Gimli shook his head, "I now feel really bad for you."

"What? I feel fine." Legolas said

"Not for long, look behind you." Gimli said

"Okay wha-HOLEY CHEESE! What is that!?" Legolas exclaimed and looked at the black shadow with orangey red fire eyes

"Hello Legolas, or should I say 'Elfy'?" The black shadow said

"That's what Casey used to call me! Are you Casey?!" Legolas asked the shadow

"NO! I'M NOT CASEY YOU SLOB!" the shadow replied, "You didn't listen to the dwarf slob so now you must face my wrath!"

"Slob? But- NORUAS! You are Noruas!" Legolas exclaimed

"You just HAD to ruin my moment didn't you!?" Noruas the pink cat and spirit of Sauron said and stepped out of the shadows

"Well, sorry but you what are you going to do?" Legolas asked the cat

"Hmm, eat your hair." Noruas replied board tone

"NOOOOOO! DON'T YOU DARE!" Legolas exclaimed

"There is nothing that you can do to stop me slob!" Noruas replied

Legolas sighed, "Wanna cookie?"

The pink cat smiled, "Sure! I love cookies!"

Legolas gave the cat a cookie and Noruas quickly eat it.

"YUMMY! Those are good slob cookies! If you give me another slob cookie I will forget about the eating your hair thing." Noruas said

"Okay!" Legolas said and happily gave the cat another cookies

Gimli banged is head against the bars of the cell.

"That is the last time I use the spirit of Sauron as a curse upon Legolas." He mumbled

After making Noruas promise that he wouldn't eat his hair Legolas picked the evil pink cat up and put Noruas on his head.

Noruas swooshed his tail and purred happily.

Legolas told Noruas that he was willing to put his hatred for cats behind him and move on with his life.

Of course, Noruas had no clue what Legolas was talking about. Legolas said that it involved a cat food commercial and an evil grandma.

Noruas no longer wanted to know after that was said.

"Let's go, pink kitty!" Legolas said and started walking off with Noruas perched on his head

"NO! WHAT ABOUT ME?!" Gimli exclaimed

"Oh, yeah." Legolas said and took the keys off the wall

THANK YOU!" Gimli exclaimed after the door was open, "Now, let's get out of here!"


End file.
